Led by the intrepid, and incoherant Greg West of Examiner.com fame the blithering tribe of S.P.A.M. have produce such famous articles as

ZOMG DIVORACE UR DOUBTING SPOUZ! [Part 2, with Quotz!]

ZOMG WEER PERSICUTED! (23 identified since 2001)

and We Have No Fucking Clue But The Answer Isn’t ‘Racism’

I just picked the low hanging fruit, go forth and check it out!

1.Standards for admissions to universities, fire departments, etc. should be lowered for people of color.

Assumptions, assumptions assumptions. No, standards should not be lowered. However, if a disproportionate number of a minority group are failing the tests, then that needs to be investigated, not passed off or blamed on stereotypes. In some cases, like university admissions, remedial coursework can be used to bring underprivileged students up to the accademic levels of their peers.
2.Bilingual education for children of immigrants, rather than immersion in English, is good for them and for America.

Wooot! Assumption alarm! It depends on the circumstances. For older students, this is more of a good idea, creating competencies in maths, history, etc in their native language and teaching English as a Foreign Language.  Younger students benefit from immersion

3.Murderers should never be put to death.

For some reason, the right as a hard on for Government the DEATH BRINGER TO THE CRIMINALS while distrusting the government in almost all other aspects of their lives. You think the government is incompetent in many areas, why not in murder prosecutions? Nonprofits like the Innocence Project have solidly proved that many death row inmates are innocent, many others were ill defended and convicted through dubious means. So no, no innocent person should be put to death, especially not in the willy-nilly way that it happens in some jurisdictions like Texas and Oklahoma.

4.During the Cold War, America should have adopted a nuclear arms freeze.

At what point during the Cold War? Stalin? Hell no. Krushchev? Hell no. Bresnev and the geritocracy? Hell no. Gorbechev? Sure. Not that much could have been done ease the crash the Soviet Union experienced, glasnost and perestroika became forces outside of anyones control. Working and compromising with moderates is never a bad thing to do.
5.Colleges should not allow ROTC programs.

That’s up to the individual college.
6.It was wrong to wage war against Saddam Hussein in the Gulf War.

Which one? The first one? No.

The second one? Yes. For many reasons. Strategically, there was no reason to, and it focused attention away from the major military operation of destroying the Taliban in Afganistan.  Morally, there were worse regimes in the world at the time.
7.Poor parents should not be allowed to have vouchers to send their children to private schools.

Riiiiight. Because it’s all about the poor, and not a subsidy for the rich and middle class to send their children to private schools.
8.It is good that trial lawyers and teachers unions are the two biggest contributors to the Democratic Party.

And it’s good that oil companies and large financial corporations are the biggest contributers to the Republican Party?

Oh right, freedom of speech only applies if you agree with me.
9.Marriage should be redefined from male-female to any two people.

There’s marriage, then there’s the privileges of marriage. Those are not the same thing. Yes, if you pay taxes, those benefits should be available to all people, or they should be available to none. No one can redefine marriage in the eyes of God, however Governments should not be discriminating among their citizens in terms of benefits like that. Ditch the benefits or make them available to any two persons in a equivalent relationship to marriage.
10.A married couple should not have more of a right to adopt a child than two men or two women.

Because the Magical Matrimony Fairy assures all good girls and boys born or adopted into heterosexual unions that they won’t be beaten, sexually abused or have other horrible things done to them because Daddy’s slot A fit’s into Mommy’s slot B.  No, they should not have any  more right to adopt than a same sex pair. Do you think that eager adoptive parents are found on every block in this world?
11.The Boy Scouts should not be allowed to use parks or any other public places and should be prohibited from using churches and synagogues for their meetings.

What the hell? The Boy Scouts is a private organization. Why do they have more preferential rights to access public parks than any other private organization? As long as the Boy Scouts (in the United States) remains a homophobic and private organization they can do whatever the hell they please, including meeting in churches and synagogues. Why should they get special rights simply because of history? Is there a long and torturous story of Scouts being denied services because of their shirts? Have Scarf Laws forbid them from going door to door selling apples/chocolate/flag waving services?
12.The present high tax rates are good.

High taxes? Oh right, the taxes that are at the lowest rates since… before 1931.
13.Speech codes on college campuses are good and American values are bad.

Define, define, define.  Yes some speech codes are over the top. However, sexual harassment is not an ‘American Value’.
14.The Israelis and Palestinians are morally equivalent.

BAAAA! Four legs good, two legs bad! The Israelis are no longer a threatened minority in the country, with a unified Middle East standing against them. They have the guns, the bombs and the massive US military support. They’re capable of showing restraint and they’re showing relatively little of it. So no, their not morally equivilent, they’re both behaving badly and all the US and the Middle East is doing is encouraging murder on both sides. Israel has to continue to exist, there is no practical or moral way to take that land back. However, the Palestinians do have rights too, many of which are trampled both by Israel and by the other countries in the Middle East who refuse to find a pragmatic solution to the problem.
15.The United Nations is a moral force for good in the world, and therefore America should be subservient to it and such international institutions as a world court.

Subservient? No. Participatory? Yes.
16.It is good that colleges have dropped hundreds of men’s sports teams in order to meet gender-based quotas.

Yes, it is. Scholarships should go to men and women equally, and Title IX requires that.
17.No abortions can be labeled immoral.

How nice it must be to wrap women’s reproductive health up in white, stand it on a pedestal and look down on the world. Yes, some could be labeled immoral. How is it appropriate for the Government to define that either?
18.Restaurants should be prohibited by law from allowing customers to choose between a smoking and a non-smoking section.

Would you like the cancer section or the non cancer section? Because non-smoking areas are smoking areas without extensive HVAC remodeling and segregating the two halves of the resto.
19.High schools should make condoms available to students and teach them how to use them.

Should we live in reality or in Fantasy Conservative Unicorn Land where babies are punishment for sex. Yes, they should. Abstinence only educated kids are just as likely to have sex as kids who get comprehensive sex ed, and their far less likely to protect themselves.
20.Racial profiling for terrorists is wrong — a white American grandmother should as likely be searched as a Saudi young male.

Yes it is. It’s a bad strategy. If explicit racial profiling is going on, it misses out on potential suspects. Grannies are just as able to carry a knife as a young Saudi man. Furthermore, if the terrorists know that the focus is on young Saudi men, what’s to stop them from recruiting a granny to carry the bomb on the plane? Watch ‘The Battle For Algiers’ sometime. There’s a scene where a young Algerian woman takes of her hijab, cuts and styles her hair, walks into a french bistro and plants a bomb. The French authorities are focusing on men, capturing and torturing them, but women walk right past the guards with bombs in their purses

One of the worst domestic terrorist attacks in the United States was done by a grief stricken father who dynamited his local school. Assuming that someone is harmless because of their outside appearance may be right 99% of the time, but that 1% a hell of a lot of room for tragedy

21.Racism and poverty — not a lack of fathers and a crisis of values — are the primary causes of violent crime in the inner city.

Persistent, multi generational racism and poverty is a cause of the lack of fathers, the crises of values and violent crime in the inner cities.
22.It is wrong and unconstitutional for students to be told, “God bless you” at their graduation.

If it’s a voice of authority like a principle, yest it is. ‘Buddah be with you’ or ‘Allah bless you’ would stir up such a conservative shit storm we wouldn’t see the end of it for months. Church and state should not be united, the government should not be promoting ANY religion.
23.No culture is morally superior to any other.

OOOO! Let’s play moral equivalences! Define, define, define. What’s ‘Morally Superior’? More stable? Kinder? More familiar?

Here’s an example. Arab culture, especially in the Gulf States and Egypt, has gone through the equivalent of the Industrial Revolution and the 20th Century in less than 50 years. In England, Europe  and the United States those periods were marked by massive social upheavals, the worst wars in the history of the planet, sexual immorality and irresponsibility,  genocide and massive inequalities. While there are obvious exceptions (The Armenian Genocide, the Kurdish exterminations by Saddam Hussein and the ongoing tragedy that is North Africa)  the Middle East has retained a sense of cultural identity and family that is truly amazing to a Westerner. Especially in the oil-rich Gulf States, the countries have moved from a third world status to something approaching Estonia, Latvia, Luxembourg, Belgium and the Netherlands; cohesive, democratic states with an impressive presence in the global financial and trade markets.

Moral superiority always depends on where you’re standing.

You have two choices.

You can buy insurance from private sector bureaucrats who are not accountable to you. They divide you up into little pockets that have no negotiating power.

You can buy insurance from the government  in one huge group of 300 million people where you can throw the bums out if you don’t like how they’re administrating the plan.

(yeah yeah yeah, the libertarian chorus is singing ‘Taxes are Theft’)

Either the public is in control, or the corporations are in control.

Everything else is just details. In this fight, the public option is not a compromise to be negotiated away. It’s the most important thing.

The background resembles the carpet in my high school English classroom. 70′s psycedelica carpet is just what the doctor ordered for concentration purposes!

Weston Krogstadt thinks blogging is a hammer, nay a post maul, a sledge hammer, a veritable steam driven power hammer. As such, reading his blog is like watching a teenage boy masturbate… you walk into the room, your brain processes what is happening in 2/10ths of a second, you whirl and attempt over the next few months to scrub out your cerebellum with muretic acid. And through it all the mad wanking continues unabated.

Weston hates Mormon Haters, but he hates Muslims more. His consistent refrain since he emerged on my radar has been to try to berate a small subset of evangelical anti-mormon wack-a-loons to try the same tactics they use against Mormons against Muslims.  Far be it from me, the LOLCat blogger, to accuse someone of immaturity but Weston’s insults are just this side of the first grade. He is also fond of clumsy gay allusions, especially involving cartoon depictions of bears in leather. 

Weston is indeed the Lone Danite, riding hard in an all male, 110% manly, totally straight crusade to defend the Mormons. Which is why most of his latest posts have featured brawny men, armed with long spears and wrapped in leather.

mmmmm. Breechclouts. aaaaaaagg *drool*

Thus, I decided to put together somthing I’ve been meaning to do for a while. Up at the top, you’ll see ‘My Favorites’. Those are the lolcats I like the best on the site. Check ‘em out and check back regularly as the lineup will expand as I work my way through 500 kitteh pictures.

Enjoy!

What is going on is a lack of responsibility. The Mormon Church, like most religious right organizations, says a lot of stupid crap because their run by old people who think that it’s OK. Their wilful, murderous ignorance is that people take the provocative words they say, turn them to their own ends and use them as an excuse for violence. Neo-Conservatism has made an art of this, and the Mormon church is more subtle than most. They have to be, they have an exceedingly credulous audience.

So, are the Mormons responsible for  thousands of hate crimes, destroyed families and gay suicides? Yes. However, there’s a continuum here people, and I will not have the complexity of the situation reduced to a couple of sound bites. There may be some fucking rednecks in Utah, but the situation is nothing like that in the American South, let alone the Middle East. Their not chopping your heads off. Quit calling them jihadists.

Wake the fuck up and realize that we live in world that has more than right and wrong answers. You are in the United States. This was a democratic discussion. There has been no fucking ‘jihad’ launched. So pull up your big boy boxers, quit acting like a fucking cult and engage in the political discourse without resorting to ignorant name calling.

<serious>

As Mormons, we have a conditioned response to large groups of people organizing against us. Our recent history and our origin stories are overwhelmed with stories of mob rule, persecution and murder. We fetishize our past and our martyrs, making that portion of  history the centerpiece of our religious history. Furthermore, that past was capitalized by the extreme right in the church during the 1950′s through the 1980′s for their own political ends. Coupled with our apocalyptic theology, this history of persecution can result in rather powerful psychological responses when we are opposed.

Let’s bring a little reality to the situation then. Has anyone stormed the temples? Do we have roving gangs of twinks and bears beating up Mormon families in the street? Other than the destruction of some yard signs, has there been any significant property damage?

No.

So who is having their homes and buildings broken into? Who have roving drunks been beating up? Who have been having their homes and businesses firebombed?

You guessed it. Teh Geh.

According to the 2007 FBI Hate Crime statistics, there were 1400 hate crimes against religious groups. There were 1225 hate crimes based on sexual orientation. Of the 1400 religiously motivated hate crimes, 965 were perpetrated against Jews, Jewish organizations and religious buildings. In hate crimes based on sexual orientation there were more offenders and more offenses against the victim than the religiously based hate crimes.

On a personal level, we have the very real crimes perpetrated against the gay community by members of the LDS church, from the murder of Matthew Shepard to the suicide of Stuart Mathis. We have literally thousands of unreported bias crimes. We have millions of children, whether gay or not, who suffer assaults on their person and their belongings when tarred with our societies virulent undercurrent of homophobia. Finally, we have uncounted hours of mental anguish that I have suffered with individuals in my own family.

It’s been over 100 years since any significant physical persecution of Mormons has happened in the United States. The persecution of our brothers and sisters who are gay is an ongoing, ugly comment on our Western culture.

Protests, applications to the IRS to remove tax exempt status and nasty TV commercials are not persecution. Public reaction in a contested political race is not persecution. They are a sign of faith in our public system, our institutions and our laws. It is a profoundly patriotic action by our brothers and sisters who challenge unjust laws within the framework of our legal system. Their use of our legal system,  the media, the legislative system and the police is a sign of faith in the admirable system of checks and balances that underlay the laws of the United States.  Our ancestors used the courts in a very similar way, and our name is still associated with one of the most limiting of all decisions relating to religious liberty, Reynolds v. United States. We undercut the very real persecution our ancestors suffered under when we try to integrate our modern political contests with their bold religious experiment.

The coalition in support of Proposition 8 resorted to tactics of fear and intimidation. Proposition 8 was presented as being a threat to children and a threat to religious liberty. Many of the claims were refuted repeatedly, yet were continually repeated, emphasized and used to describe the imminent threat that gay marriage posed. We all remain carefully shielded from the implications of our words. When we provide the lies that justify violence we put ourselves in the position taken so many years ago by the yellow journalists of frontier towns gleefully depicting the latest depredations of the Mormons.

I am disappointed with the actions of the LDS Church in association with the Yes on 8 campaign. I’m even more disappointed with the reactions of the Bloggernacle to the protests. From the rhetoric emerging from your keyboards, you would think our meetinghouses had been put to the torch and families slaughtered in their beds.

</serious>

You can has lawsuit. You can has protesters. You can has PR disaster.

See you in court, bitches.

I read your latest post today, you are just the cutest little right wing duckling! What a lovely blend of satire and fearmongering, it took me back to the good old days of Joe McCarthy, bless his moldy old soul.

One eensy little problem however, you say that this dangerous fairness on the airwaves would

‘shut up dangerous conservatives who aren’t part of the handful of companies controlling much of the media’.

Who are these dangerous conservatives?

Rush Limbaugh? Wooopsies! Airs on

A wholly owned subsidiary of

Hmmm. Sean Hannity? Whooopsie Daisy!

Airs on

Owned by

Oooooh! Glen Beck! He’s Mormon! And so cute!

Airs on

Woopsies!!!!

Oh, one more darling. Fine upstanding New Jersey citizen. Had his own radio show before those nasty

cough cough cough
……jews…..
cough cough cough

took his website down and proved he was an FBI agent provocateur.

Hal Turner. Conservative. Independant. Radio.

I am so utterly impressed that you think that little ol’ Obama could cause such luscious havoc on the right wing airwaves! My my my, what Mabel keeps telling me about how he’s the Antichrist and that I really should clean out my Hummel bedroom and turn it into a bomb shelter might be true! Just how bad is it going to get Mr Lindsay?

Is Hillary going to win and toss all those lovely radio show hosts in jail?

Is Obama going to pack the Supreme Court with hippies and underhandedly unleash Socialist Revolution while filling our airwaves with smut? (Focus on the Family, PDF)

You are scaring me darling! Please reassure my addled female pate with nostrums of peace and joy and Republican rule forever and ever! OH MY GOD, THINK OF THE TINY HANDS CORRUPTED BY
CTW RINGS! THINK OF THE TINY HANDS!!!!